It is human nature to want to be connected, to feel that we have things in common with people, that we share feelings, opinions or interests. People are pack animals, we need to have interaction, conversation, and touch, and I don’t think it’s healthy to deny that to yourself for an extended period of time. Being lonely, or disconnected from people can be just as damaging as smoking or a sedentary lifestyle.
There are people who think that once you get into the office you shouldn’t discuss feelings, shouldn’t discuss your personal life and that the workplace isn’t where you make friends. But connecting with people is how we gain trust; how we build rapport and part of the reason that some teams are so successful. Being connected leads to synergy, instead of people working independently they are able to work together and create a better result.
So why are people scared of creating a connection? For a manager it might be because they think that it’s not appropriate to have a personal relationship with employees as it can confuse issues when there are problems or it comes to performance management time. Others may just feel that the work is for 9-5, to pay the bills and at the end of the day it’s time for your real life. Some people think that work should be separate and kept on the outside, on the edge.
But I think about the teams that I have worked with, even in the terrible jobs, the thing that kept me getting up and going to work each day was the people I worked with. I connected with them, I was friends with them, and we trusted each other because of the stories, the feelings and the experiences we’d shared together. It meant that in a crisis we were able to deal with it and not fracture and it meant in the good times that we were really able to enjoy what we were doing and have fun.
Some people try to avoid connecting with others because they think it will lead to pain, because feelings and relationships with others can end and result in loneliness. Chances are though if you're lonely, you'll attract more loneliness, as research by John Cacioppo has found that loneliness is contagious. It also doesn't just affect individuals but is associated with groups of people.
It’s not all bad though because happiness also occurs in clusters and spreads through networks, so connect, engage and share. It has to be much more satisfying (and pleasant) for everyone to spread happiness.
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