A few weeks ago I emailed a guy called Carl King to ask him for permission to re-blog his 10 myths about introverts, he said sure and asked if I'd like a copy of his book. The book has now been sitting on my coffee table for a few weeks and I've only just picked it up tonight to start reading. I'm 30 pages in and I've highlighted so much of it that the pages are now more pink than white. I was halfway through reading a page, when it hit me like being slapped in the face with a salmon. That there are so many things that had to happen, so much luck, serendipity and a few coincidences to get me to where I am right now in my life. I was thinking this today while I was putting together documentation for a client next week and I looked at my name on my business card and thought, 'I can't believe I work at Deloitte', I can't believe it all came together.
Yes, I worked hard for it, I fought for it as Carl says in his book, it takes the same amount of time in our lives to do nothing as it takes to do something. We can sit around and do nothing, failing is easy - it's default, or we can take control of our imagination and make something happen. Recently, I heard Li Cunxin speaking about the little moments, the life defining moments that we don't pay attention to and just now I've read about the moments of epiphany that are crucial, the things we need to turn up the volume and pay attention to.
Well, my volume is definitely turned up, I have realised I am exactly where I need to be, what I'm feeling now is exactly what I need to be feeling, I can fight, I can be objective, rational or logical but the reality is still the same. So, I'm going to lean into the discomfort, I'm going to embrace the uncertainty because to be able to explore, you first have to be lost.
The place I go every day for work is the place I should be, the people who have been thrust into my life are there because they should be, because they've got something to teach me (or I have something to teach them). I am the first to admit, I'm a bit of a control freak, I like to have everything categorised and sorted into little boxes but lately I've been realising that doesn't work.
So I've started to let go (just a bit), I have tried to have the courage to be imperfect. As Brene Brown has found, people who have a strong sense of love and belonging are those who believe they are worthy and who have the courage to be themselves, to be whole-hearted.
It's not easy to be ourselves, to fight against what others perceive us to be or to allow ourselves to be seen and to open up to those around us. But we are all worthy.
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