It's Not a Destination

We've all heard the saying, you can't be happy with someone else until you can be happy with yourself, there's plenty written about this, but does it make it right? I think that we spend so much time trying to be happy that we don't realise happiness is a state of mind, it's not a destination. We don't go through our lives doing things, feeling bad and getting hurt and then get to a point where nothing bad happens again and we're suddenly at happy. 

Perhaps, we should be striving for satisfaction instead. The reality is that we need to have connectivity to be happy, we need to feel loved and cared for and that our life counts for something. So to say that you can't be happy with others unless you're happy with yourself is a little simplistic. Maybe you can't appreciate it as much, but there are times when we need people in our lives to stick around, to deal with the bad parts and prove that we're worth it. Sometimes, we put ourselves out there and we get hurt, we declare our love and get rejected, relationships end, conflicts arise. Ultimately, we will be able to move on from these things and but sometimes when you're in it it's hard to know it will end.

There are times when the person we want in our life won't be able to be there and that hurts, it's at these times that we can forget about the other people in our lives. But if you're able to look up and out, you see the people that matter are the ones that are still there, that turn up, and drag you out of the house.

Right now, I'm not at the place I want to be and I think it's pretty obvious to anyone that's reading this. Eventually I'll be ok, and I'm still working out how I'm going to get there. One way is to let people know where I'm at and ask for help on the bad days and to trust in people that they'll be there. 

When there is no one else then I think about a memory, about a time when I was at peace and not scared of anything. I had just graduated year 12 and was lying on a lilo in my best friend's swimming pool 25 kms from the nearest town. I was staring up at the sky, at the vastness of the stars above me and enjoying the complete silence and serenity.

I don't know what's next, I'm not sure how I'm going to get there, but I know that the people in my life that matter will stick around.