I've been trying to get real with myself lately, which
involves getting past all of the 'stuff' I tell myself, or distract myself with
and actually getting down to how I feel, why I feel that way and what I'm
actually about. It has not been fun, it's about as pleasant as punching myself
repeatedly in the face. But it's necessary, how can I expect my life to change
if I continue to do the same things I've always done.
What I've found isn't nice, it's not too great to realise
that you've been behaving in ways contrary to your terminal values. It's even
worse to realise on reflection that I would, if given the opportunity change
many of the choices I have recently made. The reason many of these choices have
been flawed is because they have been compromises.
We talk all of the time about having to compromise so that
'everyone will be happy' but in reality a compromise is a lose/lose situation.
You only have to look at the definition of compromise to see this; a settlement
of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of
conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification of
demands.
In essence when we are compromising we're taking disparate
needs or views and mashing them together, hoping that they will work; each
party must give something up in order to reach an agreement. The result of this
is that no one's needs will be met, whether it is in a personal relationship or
for a business project it's likely that the outcome will mediocre at best.
Often I'm compromising because I think that it's better to
have something than nothing. But when I'm really honest with myself I know that
it would be far better not to compromise and to wait until I can get what I
actually need without everybody losing.
So while it's not nice to get real, it is necessary and I'm
not going to compromise on that.
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