I've already written that this year is going to involve a lot of change, which has led me to thinking about times in my life that have been similar and how I've dealt with the situations I've faced.
About 14 months ago my relationship of 3 and a half years ended and it was horrible. We'd lived together for the majority of our relationship and our entire lives were intertwined, our social lives, our friends, our families and our home. We were both unhappy, yet we were both scared, if we stopped being together there would be a massive hole where the other one had been. That fear of change meant we stayed together for longer than we should have, it took a lot of courage for both of us to be able to admit it wasn't working and that we needed to let each other go and move on.
We each dealt with this change differently and went through our own grieving process. It was like being weaned off an addiction, the person that I'd gone to for everything was gone. Who should I tell my good news to, or go to when I've had a bad day? Occasionally there was a relapse, but eventually we were both strong enough to be able to deal with moving forward and not being so present in each other's lives.
Even though it was a necessary change it was still one of the more difficult things I've had to deal with, I thought I was going to always be in his life and my plans for the future were now completely changed. I held on to a memory of happiness and deluded myself that it could work when I knew it was already lost.
Change is not always going to be easy, necessary change is going to hurt and often being able to get to a place where you're a better version of yourself requires going through some bad and icky times.
But letting go and finding yourself in that place is so much more rewarding. I learnt many things from that relationship and I know he did to, we have both been able to become better people because of it and we can appreciate each other for that.
That's not something I thought I would ever be able to get to, to be at peace with my past and to want him to be happy - so that in itself is something that I learnt.
Now we don't talk so much, and it's ok because we don't need to. Our own lives are just that, ours and not each other's.
I know that if I can deal with a change like that then the changes for this year will be miniscule and I can live, learn, let go and grow.
0 thoughts:
Post a Comment